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Frodo Baggins has his say....*angst alert*

~*~In the Tower~*~

My friend, can that be
your voice I hear?
how they swarm around me
with their vulture faces
they have taken all
my clothing, my armor
and all that I was
dear friend, where are you
will you come find me
before they do their worst?
can they make me betray you?
I must not find out....

their vomit eyes gloat
over my small nakedness
I can scarce tell
their eyes from their blades
will they roast me alive
like a side of mutton
feast on my flesh
drink my poisoned blood?
I fear they have done so
slaughtering all
that I ever was
taken my eyes
stolen my skin
and now they mock
at my helpless bones
on which the nerves cling
like blood-blackened threads
my friend, come and find me
dear friend, come and find me
where are you now?
do they have you too?

if they hold my feet
over glowing coals
can I snatch a dagger
and slice my own throat
before they can tear
your name from my shrieks?
my friend, come and find me
dear friend, come and find me
I fear it's too late
they will breach my last wall
soon all will be gone....
yet I heard your voice
was it but a dream?
dearest friend, where are you?

ah, now they have gone
perhaps I can leap
to my death before
they can return
or madness take me
yet I heard your voice
perhaps I should wait...
but no, it's too late
my wits were too sluggish
their whip bites my side
with thousands of teeth
coated with acid
and the tincture of hell.....
but now, what is this?
do I dream once more
are these your arms
that wrap me around
your tears that rain
over my ruined garden?
your lips on my brow
your cloak on my shoulders
my name in your eyes
friend of friends, you have found me
at last you have found me
it was no dream....

and now your winged heart
will bear me aloft
above the foul clouds
of poison and loss
the shadows unspeakable
now are dissolved
such love astounding
I have not deserved
yet still you give it...
but can you replant
what they laid waste
in a matter of minutes?
for your sweet sake
I would renew it
and set down your story
so all might know
but is it beyond
even your skill?
my friend, have you found me
have you truly found me
or is it my doom
to be lost
ever lost
never truly
to go home?

~*~White Gem~*~

It was a gift, this glimmering star
even now, I see it dangle
on its silver chain
from her pale fingers.
I thought she had plucked it
from her twilight eyes
which seemed to have conquered
each star in the heavens
and surely it wept
to be thus banished
into my keeping
a creature unworthy
of such radiant favor.
I see myself standing
tiny and double
amid those stars
a planet of wonder
breathless, immobile,
dangling, luminous
the jewel hangs between us
a wonderful bubble
whispers of rainbows
and secret flames
veining its faery whiteness.
Wear this, she said, with a voice
that seemed a blend
of temple bells
and infant's laughter,
It will bring you aid
from the phantom wings
of darkness and fear
and all uncleanness.
Her eyes sweep my being
claiming me, wrapping
my wounds in velvet.
They wear me just
as I wear this gem...
even as I bear her
pinned upon my heart.

My dear friend, she sings
in the caverns of the night,
sweet balm I would drop
upon your blistered soul
but listen to my words
let them bear you to the sun.
Rest where the thorns
of the shadows cannot reach
seek the paths where morning
waits with open arms
Listen to the eager strings
of the golden harp I play
chimes from the bell towers
far across the sea;
soft voices echoing
welcoming the dawn
silver rain pattering
blessings on all trees.
An island of peace
beckons to you in the mist.
Sail upon a boat of stories
fashioned as a swan
laden with apples,
honeycombs and wine
let the grey waves carry you
through a perfumed cloud
ride a horse of gladness
and feel the south wind's kiss
as it dances past your cheeks
and combs your hair with joy.
Drink the nectar of all beauty
let it stain your clothes
until you are all aglow
staggering, intoxicated
with the magic of your being
Fill your throat with singing
whirl upon the sky
soar above the ether
in spirals ever growing
until you reach the summit
where all things do embrace
fear not to lift your eyes
to the bright unseeable;
mortal love, however great
sometimes is not enough
comes a time when some of us
must look to the Divine.

So she sings, as my fingers
touch this wondrous stone
until it seems my very skin
is burnished with her light
and I am her small satellite
swimming in her beams
her, whom I loved
but never could possess
still her grace she gave me
distilled within this star.
It will light my footsteps
and guide me to a place
where peace and health shall find me
until I float eternally
within the pools of her eyes.

~*~Wings~*~

My friends do not see him
in this haven of healing
tall, yet conquered
like a staff bearing
his enemy’s flag
naught in his eyes but
ruined towers, dead horses,
a naked question.
Forgive me, he says
though his lips do not move.
I did not see.
A madness took me
its foot on my back
its claws in my neck
its wings in my ears
my hands rebelled
mutinous servants
of a master impounded.
I failed, little one,
I have suffered,
I have paid
in coins of lava and blood…

I smile, he approaches
as if bags of sand
were tied to his feet.
I hold out my hand
and he takes it
like a wounded bird
in both his own
as he sits by my side.
His hands, though strong,
are wounded birds also
fettered and thirsting.
The tenderness lodges
like wool in my throat
as I say, I know the wings
of that madness too well
I have failed also
my eyes were eclipsed.
The knowledge will snap
like a rabid dog
for all my days.
Forgive yourself, brother
you have done well.
I shall remember only
your valor, your tree
your love for your people
which commanded your steps
as it commanded my own
even as they strayed.
Our cities shine
in victorious mists
like a mother and child
newly born in a night
of fiendish travail.
Raise your flag,
be at peace.

He smiles then
and kisses my hand
pressing it hard
but I feel no pain
he takes it with him
like an irksome glove
it frets me no more.
Flocks of doves
rise from his eyes
and brush me with feathers
of sanity and music
as he recedes
into pools of skyshine
like an eagle
whose day
in the sun has arrived.

~*~Farewell Lullaby~*~

Sleep now, child of fortune and morning,
sweetest bud of steadfast tree.
You've but a few days
to grace my arms
with your faery weight
before the waves
part us forever.
How your purity wounds me
with its songs
of stainless snowfalls
ghostlesss dreams
tearless birthdays
skipping joys.
The petal softness of your cheek
scorches the tips
of my wondering fingers;
the infant goldness of your curls
binds my heart-strings to the point
where I must nearly pray to die.
I must go and you must bide.
You cannot bloom
in the shade of my pain
your baby steps
must not tread on my thorns.
But lay your balm
on the hurts of your father
let your blossoms scatter round him
spin rainbow hammocks
and moonbeam tents.
Let my smile dance from your eyes
be his candle, crown and song.
Stitch his banner with your name.
Warm him with questions
nurse him with mischief
feed him with riddles
the stars cannot guess.
This blessing, such as it may be
I lay upon you, that your hands
may cup his heart in such a way
that grief shall never be its ruin
but only open doors of glory.

Click on picture to enlarge

~*~How Do I Tell Him?~*~

How do I tell him?

Already I can hear
the breaking of his heart
or maybe it is my own;
I scarce can tell the difference
any more. Shall I look
into his smile
and say: Dear friend,
you loved me well
but it was not enough
now I must seek healing
and happiness from
a higher power? Is this
what I tell the one who never
left my side, that I
must go, never to return?

I stand as on the edge of a chasm
separating me from all warm others;
hateful creatures lurk below,
claws and teeth violating
my scarred skin night by night,
dream by dream, the chains
of pain and guilt clanking
behind me one relentless ugly dirge;
no hammer here can break them
and the gap grows ever wider
as I reach my hands in vain
at the same time, my eyes
saying Touch me not;
I am unworthy, and will only
ooze blood-stains
on all your joys.
You are as helpless as I
who have little choice
but to quit this hollow land
and relieve you
as well as myself
of my invisible burden.

But how does a healer say,
Your babe will die
and I can do naught
to ease its passing?
How might a lover say,
I loved thee dearly
but now there is another
and we must part forever?
How does one tell a child,
Your mother and I can no longer
abide each other, now we
must break apart? Shall I say:
In your eyes I see that
which I once craved and needed
but it can no more sustain me
so I give it back to you
and go where you cannot follow
and seek my salvation
from sources I know not?
Kind words do not exist.
There is no easy shaft
with which to pierce a heart,
the keener and more delicate
the blade, the more distressing
will be the wound.

So do I bid him quick farewell
promising him future joys
laying a volume of memories
bound in heart's red
in his stunned hands?
Will he cast it into the sea
and teach himself
to hate my name
or berate himself, saying
it was he who failed,
not I?
Or will he see my star
across the chasm, and know
it shines for him,
and resolve someday to follow
where it leads?

How do I tell him?

A poem for Thanksgiving.....

~*~Peace~*~

At last I have arrived…..
My hurts are healed, my skin anointed
my bones rested, my guilt assuaged
and gratitude settles like a blanket
woven of shifting shades of aurora,
summer gardens, ripened fruits,
flaming leaves, richest stones
and in its warm weave I see
the smiles and shapes of those
who walked my path despite
all thorns and swords and storms,
bearing me when I could go
no more; and I lift my eyes
to the day-gem of
smiling divinity, and to
the pensive tent of dusk,
and to the many-windowed
palace of unmarred night,
and peace is born anew.
And as it slumbers in my arms
I can say only,
Thank You for it;
no fairer sight has ever
sanctified my aching core.
May those more worthy soon
feel its breath on their cheeks,
and witness its slow growth
and startling laughter
and quickly forget
the pangs of its birth;
and may those who flounder
in bogs of error be lifted
to a cleansing spring and a fresh path
so that the grace that was granted
to me might pass unto them
as a candle that lights another
with the bounding sparks
of joy and blessing.

~*~Answers~*~

My dearest friend...
through the crystal rains
and miraculous air
I see your face.
In the stillness of the star-shower
and murmur of eternal tide
I hear your voice.
Your questions drift
as urgent feathers on the breeze
or small boats salt encrusted
which I catch in both hands
and hold to my heart
as best I can.

Never think you failed me.
You know there are some wounds
only the Divine can cure. I cannot
teach you the rightness thereof;
you must learn it for yourself
as I do now. Still, no action
that issues from the heart
is ever wasted. All you have done
and will do lays a foundation
of might and gladness, sows
fields of health and color
for those about you, and those
to come. All the joy
that is mine now was bought by you
and I wear it as a favored child
in jeweled abandon. Never think
that I do not return your love;
sometimes I wish I had two hearts,
one scarcely seems enough
to contain the bursting cataract
that springs therein.

So sweep your mind of all doubt
and in the firelit chamber of the night
lie still and listen, you will hear
my voice as a streamlet through the clouds
and in the mystic pool of dreams
I'll serve you answers
on silver plates. Forgive me
what I've put you through;
I would have spared you any hurt
if it had been within my power.
But let the flow of time and work,
song, delight and pleasing memory
wear away all crags of grief
and smooth them into luster fine
that all will rejoice
to walk upon. I've renamed
the brightest Star for you,
the hope unquenchable
that warms my skin
and dries my hair
in the sacred lake of day.
Some fine morning
we'll view it together,
as once we were, unblinded,
and you will know
once and for all
that you are indeed
my second heart.

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