You Can't Walk Away From Love

By Delorita

"I love you."

Those words were the last words Luis and I told each other before the policemen and the doctors parted us. He gasped them in pain to me. Over and over and I cried it, I yelled it. I knew he couldn't hear them enough from me. I hope he believed me. Oh how much I pray he knows they were true! Because they are true!

I love him. I do love Luis Vargas. The man I did marry just some months ago. But I am afraid I'll never be able to show it to him.

I am crying. For the first time since I was a child I am really crying. Is he still alive? Oh my good God WHAT HAVE I DONE TO THIS SWEET KIND MAN?! I ruined his life. I did ruin his life completely. I stole his money...all of it. I took him away from his friends...and in the end I even tried to murder him. And although he knew that, he still said he loves me. Me, as I am. Not Bonnie Castle, not Julia Russell...just a woman without a name.

But I have a name now. And that name IS JULIA! Because Luis made the name alive for me. I have it still in my ear with all the tenderness he gave to it. I am sighing, thinking of his soft caressing voice...He loved to say that name...even when he knew it wasn't my real name...he loved to call it in our lovemaking...as I called out "Luis" as loud as I could...now I am sure I will never hear that name from his lips again because I'll be dead soon.

But it doesn't matter to me that I will be dead. I don't want to live anymore without him. The only thing that matters to me is to get to know if HE survived my attack! Oh how cruel I have been! How could I do this to such a peaceful man? I am slapping myself for it.

How much he suffered from the poison! I still can feel his stomach cramp beneath my hands.

Suddenly, while confessing my story to that holy brother, I am getting a plan. I want Luis to be happy, I want him to feel good again. I want to apologize for my big mistakes. I am growing determined. Yes. Yes, I will try to escape. I will do it for Luis. I will use my acting skills to fool this too-young priest whom they send to a killer like me. I want to tell my husband that I love him. And if he should be dead ...I can not bear that thought...if he should be dead because of the poison I will take rat poison too beside his grave and die.

It's easy to lure that priest student close to me and into my spell. How good that I learned hypnotism once. He even opens the door of my cell for me. And, wearing his robe, I don't even have to speak and the soldiers do open every door of that jail for me. AND NOW I AM OUT OF IT!

Now the difficult thing is to find out what happened to my sweet man after the doctors took him in their care. At first I thought of it to travel to Cardenas, but then I decided to go to the Hacienda, which was his own, open it still is. Since he wasn't a murderer, he could go back. [And he has recovered the money I stole from him.]

***

After a seemingly endless journey I am at "our" home now. It is late evening, almost dark. My heart is pounding in my throat and I am repeating the same prayer over and over in my mind: 'Please let him be alive, please let my Luis be alive.'

I am able to slip through the front door. Inside I can see no sign of mourning. No sign that the master of the house isn't here anymore, but maybe it is another master now... The flowers in all the vases are fresh and the servants are running around still busy. Although they seem to have sad expressions on their faces.

What is wrong? I wonder. I hide myself very well. No one notices me.

Finally I am able to listen to a low discussion in the kitchen, where two women prepare the meal for the next day. I have learned enough spanish to follow their words.

"If Don Luis isn't getting better, we all may be without work soon," the younger woman sighs.

"Yes, you are right. Do you think he is insane?"

Luis, insane? Oh no! I am clapping my mouth shut, and scared to the bones, I start to run up the stairs. On top of them I remember suddenly our first conversation here and his patient loving words: "I will give you as many moments, days, nights, as you need. And when you want me to come to you, I will come." What words...I am sighing. And with a very strange feeling I am moving to the door of his room like a shadow. It is slightly open.

Now I am in and I can see him.

He is sitting there on his chair, right in the moonlight. Sarah is making his bed but he is yelling at her like I never heard him before: "Get out! Leave me alone." His voice is unsure and trembling . Did he really become insane ?

I hear a sob from her and then she closes the door behind her. I am leaving my corner and slowly I slip through the room. Suddenly I hear a strange tone from there where he is sitting. And when I look at him again I almost can't stop myself shouting: "NO!" Because I see the gun in his hand again. He is holding it up to his forehead. Now I know what the tone has been. It was the pulling at the trigger. Without thinking I'm running towards him and throw myself in front of him whispering, to make no noise: "No Luis no! Don't do this!"

He is puzzled and is looking at me with a dull glance which obviously too much alcohol gave to him, then starts to speak: "You ...you are not real..." He makes a movement with his hand. "You are not my Julia...you are one of those dreams," he sobs. "My Julia is dead...and I will be dead too, now." He smils sadly and moves his forefinger...

But my mind is clear and I am faster. With one quick movement I turn his hand before he is able to move the trigger, using his confusion I take the gun from him. I am breathing heavily and so is he. Looking with questioning eyes at me....

"I am not dead, I am not dead...." I repeat it again and again, stroking his sweaty face. Slowly recognizing that someone is beside him he is pulling me into his lap. I am starting to cover his sweet face with kisses.

"No, no you are not real, this is one of those silly dreams. Give my gun back to me you witch..." Although his hands are all over me and I feel that his cock is pressing hard against my thigh, he is still not his own self.

"I am real, Luis! Let me show you." When I feel how hot he becomes beneath me, my own lust for him is growing unbearable and I forget the whole world around me. Impatiently I unbutton his trousers and without hesitation I take his iron hard manhood into my mouth and suck as hard as I can. He comes immediately and so do I. His cry was unmistakable that name again. "JULIA!" My name...

I feel his hands firm on my head forcing me to look up at him.

"Julia? Is that really you?" His voice is somehow clearer now and I can see his face lost the bitterness and anger and I am only able to nod, my eyes filling with tears. I feel his warm hands on my cheeks and finally feel his mouth on mine, kissing me deeply and longingly. And I can feel his sobs in his throat. I am still on my knees, my fingers entwined in the curls of his neck and don't want the kiss to stop. His tongue tastes like rum and cigars but I don't care. I spoil his tongue with mine, rubbing, swirling, sucking, tasting the sweet wetness just like he does.

We are in heaven...until the door opens. And there is Alan.

I quickly cover Luis' nakedness with my arms and don't get up. It is too late anyway.

" Alan ...I.." Luis is confused . Still between drunkness and awakening.

"Sarah sent for me." Alan answers, struggling for words. He blushes and turns his eyes down but locks the door.

"She said you have had a gun, she was very worried." Alan put the lamp down which he brought with him to look into my face. Probably he thought I was a whore because now he is really startled.

" Please, Alan..." Luis voice was weak and sick: "Could you bring a glass of water for me, my friend ? Then we can talk, please..." He sighs deeply.

" But..." Alan doesn't want to leave us but neither of us does know what to do.

"Alan, please, just that last favor..." Luis is almost unable to speak, his whole being is filled up with alcohol but his brain works well enough that he knows that I am not allowed to be here.

"As you wish." My husband's friend opens the door and disappears without letting the others in.

I think, 'What a wonderful friend!'

And then I start to act fast and with a very clear mind. With a cloth I am bathing my Luis' face to get him more awake. And it works. I know we just have some minutes for a decission.

"Luis , I love you. I came here to tell you this I want you to know it and..." Luis suddenly jumps up, lifting me up with him with a unbelievable strength and power which I didn't expect . And without a word he closes his pants, smiling secretly at me and even gives me a wink. I can not believe how fast he became his own self again. And just when I want to start to speak he takes my hand and a jacket which hung across the chair and we leave the room across the balcony.

Of course he knows secret ways in his house where nobody meets us and we are running and running until we reach the stable. The horse boy is not around and so we can mount the stallion and a wild ride on the horseback starts.

"YOU ARE CRAZY!" I am yelling into his ear while pressing my arms around his waist to keep from falling down.

"SI, SENORA VARGAS!" he answers and we laugh and laugh until we are far enough away from the others to catch us. The horse walks slow now and we are in a dark forest.

I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling the muscles of his back and buttocks flex when he moves to guide the horse. I want to feel his warmth. I longed for it such a long time and so I'm pressing myself more against him. But there is a too important thought inside my mind that I am not able to enjoy his seducing body completely.

I start to speak again: "Luis, I ..." He knows that we have to talk and so he stops the horse and jumps down, helping me also. I am electrified with every touch he gives me. Even holding his hand arouses the lust back into my body. And he feels the same. Beside the horse we can not stop ourselves and we kiss again, hard and deep and with a passion I never knew before. And he's breathing the most important thing into my ear: "As you could see , I can not live without you, Ju...Bonnie. " He's licking my lips.

"Call me Julia. " I can only whisper, licking his mouth too. Kissing his lashes. "I love you, Luis. I love you, I can not live without you either." Suddenly I 'm sobbing.

"Shsh...don't cry, beloved one. I will come with you. We will escape, we will find a way to live together. Don't worry about that. "

Happily I am smiling through my tears. "You think so?"

"Yes, I will be a good student in your strange way of playing card games." He's giving me a broad grin. "And now come ...come down onto those forest cushions. I want to spoil your hungry body." With that he starts to pull my sleeves down, kissing my shoulders, caressing my erected nipples with his thumbs through my blouse.

"Hm, Luis ..how long did I wait for that...." I can only gasp.

We can't get out of our clothes fast enough. He goes down on his knees, helping me pulling down my dress.

"Dios!" he groans. "You are so delicious."

I admire his big standing erection and can only gasp: "And so are you...splendid!" Slowly I start to lower my moistness onto him. Feeling his hands on my backside and his insisting tongue and mouth on my breasts. I suck in my breath, biting his back playfully, thinking 'I will never be with another man again!'

I caress his hard nipples with my fingertips and he sighs: "Kiss them." And I obey my master, cover his nipples with my full lips and simultaneously I start to move very slowly up and down at his cock. He gives a deep animal-like grunt.

"Good God, Julia. I am addicted to you. Your body, your soul, your whole being." And looking straight into my eyes he says huskily and most aroused : "You are my drug."

I am drowning in his words and his coffee brown eyes. He is my drug too. Feeling his luscious hard one inside I don't want to move, just enjoy that position. But I know he has to move. But he's patient. Enjoying our being together too. He's just looking at me, letting his hands slide all over my body. As if to get to know every inch of me again. I am stroking his hairy chest, noticing that there are some gray curls now. I kiss them, thinking that is even more arousing. I squeeze his member with my inner muscles and that makes him gasp, closing his eyes. I lay myself down on my back, wanting him to thrust into me, finally. I force him now with my hands sliding across his most smooth butt. He is still inside me and starts to slide back and forth. The pure pleasure is on his face. His glance is caressing me too.

I look at him and pull him down to me, whisper most close to his mouth :

"Luis, this is heaven. I love you. Do you believe me?" A bit anxiously awaiting his answer, I encircle his waist hard with my legs.

" I know, Julia. I believe you." With that he bends down and covers my mouth with his and finally starts to thrust into me. Hard and furiously like I love it. Our senses are gone. Just moistness and slick bodies. Throbbing and tickling. It seems we both lost our minds in our pleasure to give orgasms to each other.

We are obsessed, yes. But it is lust AND love to the same time. I want to take everything from him BUT NOW I ALSO WANT TO GIVE EVERYTHING to my beloved Luis.

Index