Amnesia, or A New Man

by Delorita

This story is dedicated to my dearest friend RoZita. It was written from me in 2000 and sent to her as a letter via snail mail (from Germany to the USA). SHE did almost the whole translation from German into English and for that I am SO grateful still. Because of it I was able to start writing fanfiction. Now (in the end of 2004) I have come a looong way and without her I would never be here! --Del

Wallpaper by Cat--Click to enlarge

A hospital on a Carribean island. Intensive care unit. A pretty young doctor is monitoring the heart and blood pressure of her patient, on whom she operated three weeks ago. Many bullets had stuck in his body and head and he has been lying in a coma.

Although she does not know him she is praying for his life. He is young and very handsome, he looks sweet and innocent in his sleep and his body fascinates her. (Last night she dreamed that he was holding her hand and they were walking and laughing together on the beach…or that they were sitting in the sunset and she was leaning her head on his shoulder, and tenderly he stroked her long black hair…) Carefully she pulls back his cover to examine his heartbeat, unable to resist the temptation to touch his dense black chest hair. His eyes with the beautiful long lashes are closed and he's not moving.

On the next day (she was dreaming again last night; they sat in his bathtub together and she could see the wounds all over his body, but he looked happy as he slowly began to kiss her) she must change the young man's head bandage. With alarm she notes that his head wound is healing very slowly. She pushes back his hair, thinking: Oh my God, it's wonderful, so black and soft! If only I could bury my hand in those curls…But after she changes the bandage and turns to go, she suddenly feels a touch on her hand. She whirls around and looks at him - he is awake!

A joyful shiver passes over her small body. She would love to kiss him but she controls the urge and gives him only a friendly smile. He speaks but his voice is so weak she must bend down close to hear: "Ohhh…my head hurts!"

Three weeks ago he had been found in the wreckage of an abandoned hotel, with a huge hole gaping above him in the ceiling. She feels a slight dizziness as she looks at him, and has trouble controlling her voice as she says, "You must rest a bit now. I'll give you some medicine for the pain and tomorrow we'll see further."

He tries to smile and she knows that she is ready to love this man forever!

Later, after consulting a more experienced colleague, she decides her patient must be moved out of intensive care. As she enters his room with her heart fluttering inside her, to prepare him to be moved, she notices immediately that something is wrong. He is awake, but with such a sorrowful expression, saying softly, "Who am I? Why am I here?"

She sits beside him on the bed, wishing she could lay her hand on his forehead longer than necessary, then says, "You were brought to the emergency room four weeks ago with life-threatening injuries and severe cranial bleeding, followed by loss of memory. With plenty of rest and care we can help you to remember again. I can tell you your name now, however. We found your Visa card in your pocket…Mister Bain!"

As she hands him the card she hopes to see a glimmer of remembrance in his smoldering eyes. But he says only, "Miguel Bain? That is my name, then?" He speaks with a very charming Spanish accent.

"Don't worry!" she answers cheerfully. "We'll make it so! I'm Jessica Rath." She gives him her hand and he clasps it tightly. Then she looks for the first time deeply into his eyes and feels a twinge of fear as the nurse enters the room.

Miguel grows better from day to day. Jessica comes as often as her work will permit, working with him, helping him exercise so that he might recover his strength. Each time she comes into his room he greets her with such a charming smile, until she wishes he would take her in his arms and press his luscious lips against hers. But she dares not think too much about it; after all, what does she know about him? Nothing! His memory does not seem to be returning despite all the tests, until she begins to doubt her own abilities as a doctor.

A few days later, at the end of an exhausting day, she collapses into her armchair in her living room in front of the television set. She is beginning to drift into sleep when she is jolted into wakefulness by these words: "…the police continue their search for the notorious hired killer Miguel Bain, prime suspect in the murder of…"

She can only stare at the screen in front of her, thunderstruck, at the beloved face, the eyes so cold and fierce, the lovely mouth in an arrogant smirk, as her brother Joseph enters the room.

"Why, that guy is dead!" he says. "I shot him in self-defense over a month ago, when he…"

She scarcely hears what he is saying, feeling as though her heart has stopped beating, and soon she hears his voice shouting her name as she falls unconscious to the floor.

****

A hand caresses her cheek with incredible tenderness. Am I dreaming? she wonders. She closes her eyes tightly trying to shut out the bewildering thoughts that torment her, then opens them and sees his eyes, so dark and expressive, looking anxiously down at her. She sees that she is lying in a hospital bed and Miguel is sitting beside her. Now she can feel the touch of his lips against hers, so warm and soft, and he whispers, "Jess, wake up! Open your eyes!"

The imploring tone in his sexy voice snaps her into full wakefulness. Oh God, is she losing her mind? How sweet he looks in his plain red t-shirt and jeans! Can this really be the same man she saw on the TV screen? The temptation to run her hand over his muscular arm is almost irresistible, to take his face in her hands and give him a long passionate kiss…

Does he really remember nothing? she wonders. Can he be such a good actor? She hopes and prays now that he will never remember anything of his past life…Surely, there was nothing of the man he was in the man he is now…

Now he's looking at her with anxious eyes. She tries to smile.

"Que pasa? What is happening with you?" he asks. He's still holding her hand. She feels his warmth and suddenly she thinks how wonderful it would be if he started to unbutton her uniform. She forces herself to answer his question calmly.

"It's nothing! Don't worry…Miguel." She turns her head so he will not see in her eyes what she is really thinking.

In the next few weeks they walk together through the forest, the city and on the beach. He is recovering his physical health and power. He smiles at the stories she tells about her girlhood and her days in college and med school. But his memory is not coming back. Jessica tells him many things, but nothing about the "first" Miguel Bain, Every time she asks him about his past he takes her hands and looks at her with his deep innocent eyes saying, "Jessica, I can't remember myself, really! I'm pondering and pondering but I have no idea! I don't know why I had so many bullets in my body! Maybe I don't want to know. Sometimes I have terrible dreams but I cannot remember what happened in them…I only know that terrible things happen, lots of noise and blood, I think I do not want to remember."

"Then don't try," she says very softly as she looks away from him, far off to the dangerously blue ocean.

****

And now soon Miguel will be leaving the clinic. Jessica is feeling terrible. What will she ever do without him? Knowing he might disappear into some unknown distance drives her nearly mad.

"Miss Doctor, I must find a new home! I have to find out who I am!" he says as he packs his things to go. She feels as though the floor is being pulled from under her feet as he slowly walks to the door.

"Miguel…" she says with a sob. But in this moment he turns, taking her in his strong arms, whispering in her ear, "I love you! I can't be without you!" And finally he's kissing her. At first his lips touch her mouth very carefully, tenderly. Then the passion seizes them both! . His tongue probes her mouth, she can't get enough! She's pressing every part of her body against his and he's holding her tight as if he would never let go her again.

And someone opens the door and calls: "Hellooo!" It is Joseph, waiting to take her home. She looks nervously at Miguel still holding him tightly. She sees neither anger nor recognition in Miguel's expression. And now Joseph is saying: "Hello, I'm Robert Rath. I'm Jessica's brother." Miguel gives him a friendly smile and offers his hand. Jessica is certain he does not remember Robert/Joseph at all.

"Let's go now," she says. She takes Miguel's hand and together they walk outside into the sunshine to her car.

"You did not recognize Robert'?" she says.

"No, I didn't! Should I know him?" he says. She looks into his beautiful brown eyes and can see he's telling the truth. They ride all the way to her apartment, where she takes him upstairs and finds a videocassette in the cabinet beside the TV set.

"Please watch this!" she says as she turns on the VCR and the television. She quivers inside. How he will react? Suddenly she feels sick as the messages appear on the screen, she must go into the bathroom. But when she comes back he is gone!

Her heart begins to race as she reads his note: "Jess, thank you for saving my life, I'll love you forever but I must find my own way. I don't know who I am! I am too bad for you. I might put your life in danger. Please forgive me! And this I'll never need!" Beside the note lies a pistol on the table. (To be really sure Miguel isn't a killer anymore, Jessica had laid Joseph's pistol beside the TV set.)

Her first thought is: He's going to the airport! No, please, no! She jumps in her car and races through the streets but when she comes to the airport the last airplane is just now in the sky and she can't see her Miguel anywhere!

Jessica is sobbing. How she can live without him? What if she never sees him again?

Then she comes to her senses. Of course he is not here. How could he have gotten to the airport ahead of her? No taxi driver would ever have raced through the streets as frantically as she had done!

She drives to their favorite spot on the beach, the one where there are not so many tourists. It is as though an angel were telling her to go there.

And there he is! Sitting on a large rock looking out to the sea, his back to her, his bare feet dangling in the surf. He jumps up as he hears her car door slam. Happily she runs to him and embraces him. She takes his face in her hands whispering: "I love you, I love you Miguel! Please don't go! I know who you are. You are my friend, my love! Please let me help you!" He smiles and kisses the tears from her eyes saying, "Please help me, Jess!" then kisses her passionately once more, wiping tears from his own eyes with the back of his hand. She unbuttons his shirt with trembling fingers. He closes his eyes to enjoy her touches and she kisses his throat and chest hair…and both are forgetting the world!

by Del, made for Alina's birthday...click to enlarge!

By Cat--click to enlarge!

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